Relax, Relate....RELEASE!!

I am soooo no my way to being a much better person. What I mean is I'm on my way to feeling better on the inside.  I've always know that there is a such thing as toxic people or people that really need to be purged from your life. But some people I just have had a hard time letting go. I guess because when I think of what I've shared with that person, I know that in some way it helped. The relationship may have caused me to see things differently, caused me really evaluate myself and understand me better. But what I am learning now is that even if the relationship was rewarding in the past it doesn't necessarily have to be a part of the future. I can get so attached to people that even as I'm being dragged through the mud I'm trying to hold on. But as I have gotten older, it has gotten easier to let people go and not look back. Life is full of phases and people do change. So who I was when I was friends with a certain person may not be who I am now and there is nothing wrong with that. And sometimes keeping someone in your life might constantly take you back to a place that you should move on from. Someone recently told me I was torturing myself going back to that hurt place every time I'm around them. While initially I was like, damn, when I later thought about it later, it was the truth. I'm holding on to something from the past meanwhile torturing myself in the present. Since I know that there is no way I can have someone in my life and not think about our past, if that past had hurt in it and I can't move past it, then I am torturing myself.

Have you had to ask yourself why? I've had to ask this question about people in my life and it baffles me when I can't find the answer. Why are you in my life? What is the reward? What am I giving you? What are you giving me? Are we mutually benefiting from this relationship? When the answers are positive, what makes it so hard to walk away? Now I have let people go who not a blessing to my life and I do feel better for. But some folk just got  a hold on me :-) Not anymore. I find no reason to continue a relationship that is painful, uncomfortable, or unequally yoked. So we have shared a wonderful past. We shared some wonderful times and we were close at one point.... I'll take with me those memories to be my sunshine after the raaaaaaaain! LOL

 

Peace, Akanke

 

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.
-- Raymond Lindquist

 

Letting go doesn't mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.

-- Anonymous

Jump or Shut Up!

Am I insensitive?? I was having a conversation with my friend the other day and he was talking about how one of his friends is suicidal and apparently she's been that way off and on for a while. I went on to tell him that I have little tolerance for people like that. I say if you don't want to live, goodbye! Let me explain because that did sound a little harsh…

Life can be very hard. Sometimes things can seem so bad that you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I understand that. I even understand the occasional "I just can't take this anymore!" feeling. But if you are constantly calling me, text me talking about, "I think I'm gonna just kill myself" please stop wasting my time. If you gonna do it, do it. But if you wanna live, LIVE. Mental health is a serious issue and no one that really wants to end their life is always talking about it. They don't want the opportunity to be talked off the ledge. But, while I'm wasting my time talking you off, you making plans for next week and I miss warning signs of someone who may really be on the verge. So, if you feeling lonely and wanna talk, just say that. Don't call me talking about "I'm about to run into traffic" because I'm gonna say, well call me tomorrow if you're still around.

People are dying everyday. Someone is dying right now as I type this blog that does not want to die. So, if you don't wanna be here, stop wasting air and energy and go meet our maker! They we over populated J

Someone once started a texting conversation with me about wanting to end their life. I tried for a while telling them things they had to live for, people that love them, etc. Finally after the person negated all the help I tried to give, I texted, "Well, I'll check on you tomorrow." The response was, "If I'm still alive." "OK" I said. Next day, I hit em up and the person was all happy telling me about all this good stuff going on. See what I mean??

Don't get me wrong, I am sensitive and understanding but OMG, I have limits. I am available to be a listening ear and to lend an encouraging word or two. But pah-lease don't step to me that suicidal BS. If you can't cherish this precious gift of life, maybe you don't deserve it. If you come to me with all this negativity and I try to offer you a positive side and show you all the blessings you have yet you still talking about some old dumb mess…peace. May the ancestors welcome you!

Quick Question....

 

I had a conversation with one of my sisters in which I told her how I had done something that may be considered morally incorrect, but I didn't feel bad about it. (No one is dead, and no one's feelings have been hurt) Though some might view it as just plain wrong, I didn't and still don't. She said that sounded sick, like I was crazy or something. But who made up these morals anyway? If the morals I have make it okay to do what I did, why would it be wrong? If what I did seemed right and good to me can't it still bring me positivity? A friend of mine told me that people place right or wrong on their own actions. If you put out bad karma then expect it. But if you have good intentions and feel no bad way about what you've done then good karma follows. I don't know. That may be an excuse to do what you want to do and convincing oneself it's okay. What I do know is that I am a good person, an upstanding member of the universe and a lover of GOD. But what does it mean that I can "sin" and honestly feel like I have done nothing wrong?? Well, I know it was wrong but I don't feel like it was bad…I don't know if that makes since. I'm wondering if I've become heartless or something?? Anyone else ever done anything that may be considered wrong in the eyes of others but okay in yours? Or am I crazy?