was very hurt and disappointed because she found out that her 10 year
old son had stolen over a hundred dollars from her and lied about it
for weeks. He was selling candy for his school (she had been helping
too as you know parents do at work all the time). When they were
finish selling the candy, she put the money in her trunk until it was
time to turn it in. When she went to get the money, it said, "Find
me!" She tore everything up & asked her son numerous times if he had
the money or had seen it and of course he said no. She thought she
must have lost it somehow and come out of her pocket to pay his school
the money for the candy.
Meanwhile, my little cousin is going through this phase of "buying
friends." He's spending most of his allowance on other children. My
cousin decided to nip it in the bud. When he got in the car on a
Monday and had no more money left from his weekly allowance, she told
him he wasn't getting anymore. Somehow though he was still buying
snacks. blah blah blah... He confessed. He was buying things for
friends and giving them money. My cousin was saying that she wasn't
mad, she was hurt. She couldn't believe that out of all the things to
do, her own son had stolen from her. She said that she has always
trusted her son. He cleans her car out regularly and she has other
things in her car that she has never worried about him disturbing. She
was hurt that she no longer trusts to leave her things like her purse
around her son. She talked about how if you will steal, especially
from your mother, how far will you go at 10?
So, she called me to get my opinion on his punishment. She of course
tore his behind up! Then she told him that he would have to repay her;
not only for the money he stole, but for other things she had
purchased for him since..i.e. video games. He will not get an
allowance until she is repaid. She made him aware of the fact that he
had lost her trust and that he would have to earn it back. Her mother
called her to fuss at her because of it. She told her she should have
not giving him a spanking and that he should not have to repay her at
all. Get this.... her mother said that it's my cousin's fault for
putting him a Black school! He's learning all that bad behavior
at...Kipp Academy??? NOT. My cousin said that she tried to go that
route with her son but he is a very active (she says bad) Black boy.
When he was at a predominately white school they tried to give him
every diagnosis under the sun and were on the way to medications when
she decided he needed a more structured and strict environment. I told
her Kipp is definitely not to blame. He'll really get suckered
elsewhere.
My cousin is also wondering if her son in acting out because his
father is not in his life. Should she be more lenient or understanding
of that? I told her, understanding, yes…lenient, Hell NO! He's going
to have to deal with not having his father in his life for the rest of
his life & he's going to have to understand that bad behavior is
unacceptable. If she sweeps it under the rug this time he will
continue and escalate and keep blaming it on his dad. He has a mother
& a step father, family and all his needs are being met. Yes, it's sad
not to have your father around (believe me, I know) But some people
have a lot less. Life must go on.
My cousin asked me if I thought her punishments were too harsh. I told
her that a thief needs to be punished; and it's better that you do it
at home now than have the penile system do it later. I may be wrong,
but I think he needs to really be punished so that he will never do
that again. A thief is the worse. If you steal, you will lie, cheat
and whatever else. I don't want him to be traumatized but I don't want
him to ever forget.
--
***People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and
courageously. This is how character is built. ~Eleanor Roosevelt***
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