I’ve reached the end again. Can you believe I actually shed a tear Saturday behind a man?! I kept crying because I was mad at the fact that I was crying. What the hell!!! I really don’t even want to go into what exactly made me cry. It was just a combination of someone showing no regard for my feelings and me putting myself in the situation to get them hurt. I don’t like what I think I have become in his eyes and that disappoints me. Not that he views me that way, but that I am viewed that way at all. Anyhow, my friends I am done. And for real this time. I know that part of the problem is that I tried to convince myself that I really didn’t like him that much and that all the other chicks didn’t bother me. But who in their right mind would actually be cool with that situation? Actually we had a talk about feelings and he claimed he’d never hurt mine. I thought it was stupid to make such a promise anyway. I really don’t have the words to say to even fully articulate how I feel. I actually shed a tear today. And I want to stress that I am not in a sense crying over him it’s the situation. I cry because of me. I cry because I’m always in a position to get my feelings hurt. I remember when I told my cousin about a situation I was in that reminded me exactly of another I had been in. She told, “It’s going to happen again.” She said I had to go through it at least three times to really learn the lesson because I was still not fully understanding the lessons I needed to this second time. So dumb ass me…what do I go and do?? The same damn thing! I’m trying to learn my lessons… I think I got it. I don’t wanna go through this ever again. I refuse to secretly date another man while he publicly spreads his love!…Like I ain’t shit when the truth of the matter is … He ain’t shit!!!!!!!! Two of my best male friends that I talk to on a regular basis are always telling me positive things about myself and how I am so beyond the men I fool with. They can say some great things about me and I just don’t understand how my friends can see it, and they are men, but these men can’t. I hate that I’ve let myself get treated this way. OK! I’m done rambling.
I love me, I love me…
** Almost forgot... During my tears my friend asked me, "What's your name?" Y'all know I'm the chick with many names so I wasn't sure where he was going LOL. J/K..... I said, "Akanke" and he then says, "And what does your name mean?".....TO MEET HER IS TO LOVE HER!.... My friends said, "So, fuck him, you're a Queen!!!
I know these things! Why don't I act like it?
Amy Winehouse - Tears Dry On Their Own
This song is about me
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